How to Ruin Legitimate Attempts at Conversation

If I won the lottery, I would just put the money in the bank.

I wouldn't bring any music with me on the island, because I hate music.

We're not going to name the baby; it died.

Let's not do anything this Friday. Please don't call me.

I'm not from anywhere specific. I wander the country seducing people and robbing them in the middle of the night.

Of course I believe in God. He speaks through me during intercourse.

I don't follow sports because my dad beat me as a child.

I don't want you to know my middle name. Let's talk about something else.

I don't read books because my dad beat me as a child.

I weigh less than you because you are fat.

My favorite drink is O'Douls.

I don't have a favorite season of the year, because my dad beat me as a child.

The only time I ever left my hometown was to get special suntan lotion for my back.

My last job was pimping retired women.

That's not a scar.