The Most Serious Man Who Ever Lived

He never drank because it cost too much.
He never laughed for the same reason.
Holidays were an excuse to buy discount furniture.
His hobbies included model cars and matchstick bridges
Sex included one or two women he duped into bed.
He never saw a Will Smith movie.
The newspaper told him what he needed to know.
He didn't need to know much to survive.
When he died, no one thought to laugh.
Or they did. And they pitied him.